Giving feedback to your boss

A friend of mine asked me this week how one could give constructive feedback to his/her boss.  That is indeed a tricky thing to do.  For the most part, bosses are in a position of power relative to their employees.  If the bosses do not like what they hear from us, our fear would be that we could suffer some consequences.  The reality is that the fear is legitmate.  Bosses do have the power and ability to retaliate.  We therefore should approach this kind of conversations with care.  You must know who you are dealing with and where you stand.  Depending on the level of openness and trust, you need to adapt the degree of frankness and amount of information to be shared. 

I actually gave my boss some feedback this week myself.  Fortunately, my boss is the kind of person who is open to feedback and has a high degree of awareness.  She also trusts me a great deal.  Even so, I did not just lay out all my feedback.  We have to remember and consider that human feelings are fragile.  Even the strongest and most open person has difficulty hearing negative feedback.  It is part of being human and our bosses are just regular human beings.  Therefore, the first thing I suggest is for you to think of him/her as a regular person who has regular human needs (i.e. affirmations, recognitions, etc.).  If you care about him/her as a person, the message would come out differently.  In my case, my boss and I spent some time discussing our employee survey results that highlighted some key leadership issues some of which directly related to my boss.  As we went through the feedback results, I acknowledged her strengths and I gave her examples of my own experience to help her understand the employees' viewpoints.  I also took ownership of things I could do better.  Additionally, I watched her reaction carefully to guage when she has heard enough.  The goal is to for her to receive the feedback, not for me to say everything on my mind.  Knowing when to stop is the key.  Another important thing to remember is that change takes time.  Do not expect people to change overnight.  Be patient, persistent, and gracious.

Introduction

After being in management in various industry sectors for over fifteen years, I have had numerous difficult conversations with employees, clients, bosses, and co-workers.  In fact, I negotiated my salary with the partner of the firm I worked for two years after I graduated from college.  In my eighteen years of career, I have had nine jobs, changed career twice.  I delivered bad news to clients in numerous occasions whether it was related to increased fees due to overbudget or deliverables not met.  Furthermore, I have had a great deal number of conversations with employees about their performance and year-end evaluation results.  All of these conversations had one thing in common.  They all involved me delivering news contrary to the other party's expectations or desires.  Of course, some of these conversations were more successful then others.  Nonetheless, over the year I have developed the ability to have these conversations without damaging the relationships and the ability to reach some common understanding for us to move forward.  Recently, I have come to the realization that such skill though highly valuable to all, is not common to all.  I suppose that it is only human to want to be liked and not be rejected.  Having these conversations really put us in situations where we are vulnerable to rejections.  After all, it is just easier to pretend that everything is fine.  Experience tells me that things are never fine if issues are not addressed.  Avoiding these conversations could result in resentment which ultimately will damage the relationships whether we like it or not.  It could also result in unproductivity since it would be unlikely employees would apply themselves at work if they are unhappy.

Coaching is the buzz word these days.  Some companies provide senior level people executive coaches nowaday.  A few companies have some forms of coaching program available to all employees.  Unfortunately, for too many people, that kind of support is not available at work.  I hope to use this blog to share some of my own experience in having difficult conversations on an ongoing basis.  Some will be success stories, some will not be.  Either way, I hope that we could learn together on this endeavor as I truly believe that if we master this skill, our potential to reach our goals will be unlimited.  If you have any specific scenario that you would like to share and get input, please feel free to post them as well and I will do my best to brainstorm ideas with you.  It is my hope that this blog will become a free coaching support network where we help each other.

Let the journey begins!